At least it's troubling me.

I resigned telemarketer today.. No more The Sail.. I have enough of problems.. Just one but it's major enough.. At least it's troubling me. Because it's about my family..

I was struggling about quitting telemarketer today on the way to work at The Sail.. I don't know whether i made the right choice. It was very wrong of me to spend so little time at home.. When things happened it's too late.. I have only myself to blame for not balancing my time correctly. Why, WHY didn't i take note of Dad more?
It's not the first time.. I have already lost count.. Promises and promises, breaks and breaks.. Are you sure you've change for the better? I'M REALLY SICK OF YOUR WORDS!

I should have face it up and stop dreaming about having a whole family.. It never will work on MY family.. I am way too greedy.

I DON'T WANT A DAD WHO LIES, NEVER CHANGED, WHO PUT ON A SHOW, WHO TAKES DRUG! I hate you to the max. Seriously.. I teared for this family mostly because of a dad who is irresponsible. What the fuck? Suffers and miserable that you brought into this family gonna stop.

I salvage your reputation from young, I argues with friends on how great my dad was. But when i gets older, i get sick of it. I'm speechless on the topic of my family, on Dad! I felt really ashamed when I came to know the truth.. I helped to speak up sometimes in front of sis and on.. I trusted you will start a new. I WAS WRONG.

I'm such a coward.. How i wished i have the courage to speak what i have in my mind to you:
You're a terrible dad, why are you so weak? Where have your determination gone? Is those stuff that good? Bring me along and try those thing? I'll join you! You are not a very good role model.. You sucks. Get out of our life.. I have grown even sick of my surname..

I shall end this thing.. Monday, when you are back. I MUST SPEAK WITH YOU! Hope i convey that message.

Now, whenever I'm alone or nothing to keep me occupy i get a bit out of myself.. Shall control myself a bit.. Clkl hang on there..

Now, I'm left with TPS this job, shall forbid myself on saying tire/tired/tires.. I shall punish myself if it slips out my mouth. Shall control my yawns too.

So now, for the time being, i shall treat that you have met with an accident and were hospitalised. After the talk will see how this pain gonna end. No more excuse everybody! We shall learn to face it up! Or rather, me.

I know that when i set this post to the public, i will have to face the people outside.. Maybe criticise or sympathy or whatever shit.. So, i set it on private until I'm ready..

What i think of myself now is, 烂好人 ! Reasons? That can be written as a novel.

Clkl